Tuesday, October 11, 2011

I'm Working On It...

You know, the thing that still gets me about the breakup with Jack is how he made me look to his family and friends.
I tried so hard to make that relationship work.  I've tried so hard to save his name and not make him look like the ass he is.  I have so many secrets about the things he put me through and what he did to me and it will all remain that way.  I'm not going to make people hate him because, in spite of it all, I still have respect for him.
Jack's family is HIS family.  They don't need to hear the reasons we really broke up, because they are his family and they NEED to be on his side.  I won't take that from him or sway it in any way.
In spite of what they think, I've always loved and respected Jack's family, even when he didn't.  What really pains me though is his grandmother.  This is a woman who I instantly loved and wanted to be a part of my life forever.  She literally wishes me dead now.  I don't know what Jack said to her but based on what he has said to me, it can't be nice.
I just hate knowing the lies are out there and still coming back to haunt me when the truth is so much worse.
I'm not denying my part in the demise of the relationship.  I know I was a huge bitch over the last few months.  I know I became emotionless and uncaring.  It was the only way I could deal with the situation without a daily breakdown.
I'm still not going to spout off negativity about Jack.  It's not my place and I wish him the best.  I really do.  I just wish he didn't have to take me down in order to build himself up.
Do I still miss him at times, in spite of all of the negativity? Absolutely.  He has a lot of great traits.  Do I miss his family?  All the time.  Do I miss his friends?  Yep... Even those assholes.
I'm over the loss of the relationship with Jack... I just can't seem to get over losing so many relationships at once.


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