New Phone

What I would like to know is how anyone ever lived without swype.  I just got my new phone yesterday and I'm already addicted to swyping.  I can't help it. 

That's all I'm blogging for.  Oh yeah, and I got the blogger app on my phone, so I thought I'd best test it out.  ;)

What's that?  You'd like to see the first picture ever taken on my new phone?  Okay, but be prepared for total cuteness...

Hey! I swear this post ends on a positive note!

Disclaimer:  The blog you are about to read is raw.  This is real.  This is me.  It's all coming out there and it's full of negativity.  If you want no part of that, read no further.  There may be parts that will offend some of you.  There will be parts that will make me sound like a raging bitch.  There will definitely be parts that make you change your opinion of me, more than likely in a negative light.  It is what it is and I am what I am.  I won't apologize for that.  I gave you this disclaimer.

I should add: it's long and there are no pictures.  I'm sorry.

I do know how long it has been.  I'm very aware.  My world has been tilted and spun and completely imploded and rebuilt (kind of) over the last year.  You may remember this post from last year.  A wee bit o' negativity well-rounded out to a life on the right track.  House. Dog. Fiancé.  BAM.  "Well, here's a little story all about how my life got flipped, turned upside down..."  (If you don't know where that lyric came from, you're either too old, too young, or not cool enough.)

Where do I begin?  Here's a little run through for those of you who chose not to click the link above.  Last year at this time, I had bought and been living in our very first home with my fiancé, Jack, for about a year. We had a puppy who was just over a year old and we were on our way to the whole lot: marriage, babies, A LIFE together.  Fast forward about a year and HERE WE I SIT.

The majority of this is going to be new information for you.  Some of you will know parts of it.  Some of you will have heard rumors.  A few of you will know most of it.  None of you will know all of it.  But guess what?  I'm at the point where I'm sick of people asking questions.  I'm sick of telling the story.  I'm sick of explaining myself when it's none of your god damn buisness in the first place.  But... here it is.

Here's the main question answered for you all: YES.  JACK AND I ARE NO LONGER TOGETHER.  I gave Jack his ring back in November 2010 after 3 1/2 years together and an almost 2 year engagement. It was a mutual decision. Wait, wait... hold on.  This date may seem odd to those of you closest to us.  Yes, we lived together up until about a month ago.  Originally it was so close to the holidays that we decided it best to fake it for our families... and we did.  Then we were nostalgic BECAUSE of the holidays so we started to fall back in to the ol' swing of things, including our glorious fights... oh the fights.  We kept putting off telling everyone and it was working as housemates for a while.  Then it came time for my brother's wedding.  Well, we faked it through that, down to my wearing the engagement ring for the reception.  Yep.  After that things got bad.  Ugly.  We told our families we had split, but we were still attempting to be housemates for financial reasons.  That did NOT work.  Jack finally moved out at the end of July.  Isn't it funny how when it's truly the end, the only things you remember are the good parts?  I have to be honest.  Even with everything we had been through, that entire weekend all I kept thinking was "is this the right thing?" and "if it is right, why am I so upset about it?"  I mean, the engagement had already been broken off for 8 months at that point; why does it still hurt?  Why am I crying about it now, another month later, while writing this blog?

Why did we split you ask?  Oh, thank you for asking!  That's a delightful question to answer.  I'm sure that everyone who splits from their partner LOVE to answer that question.  There are a multitude of reasons and frankly, I'm not going to delve in to it.  Yes, I know I said I would bare all, but I'm not about to slander Jack.  He is a good person with a good heart regardless of how we've treated each other.  I could list for you a thousand reasons why we worked but the handful that explains why we didn't overshadow the larger number tenfold.  This is not only my business to share and I will respect Jack enough not to give you our reasons.  I know some of you think you know, but you have no idea.  I've shared some with some of you, but all of it with none of you.  I'm sure Jack would have completely different reasons for why we split than I do.  When it comes down to it, I think Jack and I are both great people as individuals, but when we are together we are completely toxic.  That doesn't make for a happy home.

Oh, that happy home?  Unfortunately for me, the home is all in my name.  Jack was able to walk out without a care or concern for it (although he feels this is unfortunate on his end... he would have loved for it to be the other way around).  So, I'm left with a huge house for myself and my dog and the financial burden of it as well.  Don't get me wrong; I love being a homeowner.  But when you pair up paying for a ginormous house I don't need with all of my other financial problems... this is where the Schwartz Shit Show begins.  Welcome.

Finances:  Remember when I didn't work for 10 months and used to blog daily?  That's where it began.  Debt can build up quickly.  I have a mortgage, I have credit cards, I have a $4000 knee replacement for my dog and all of those other lovely bills.  Bills, bills, bills... blech.  I know you all know how that goes, so I won't be using this blog to play the martyr over my financial woes, though they are very real and will very likely make me forclose on my home eventually... until then, I'm planted.  Oh, I should add, I'm in quite possibly the most underpaid and underappreciated field ever: social work.  Just to give you a feel for how serious my problem really is.

The dog... ugh this was such a tough one.  For months Jack and I fought tooth and nail about who was taking Kaiah when he moved out.  She was really the only "possession" either of us cared to have.  In the end, she is with me, and it's actually really sad.  Jack and I didn't work for many reasons but in the end, I feel like I'm the evil one because I gained got stuck with the home we were trying to create and was lucky enough to get the dog that we had been raising since she was only a few weeks old.  You know what?  It absolutely broke my heart.  Yes, I was lucky to gain her, but I had to take her from Jack.  That makes me cry right now thinking about it.  In the end he didn't fight with me for her.  He stated that it would be best for Kai to be in the house than for her to be stuck in an apartment with him.  Even if we hated each other toward the end, the one thing that Jack always loved and treated right was Kaiah.  It killed me a little bit.  I made a point to not be there when Jack finally left, not because I didn't want to say "goodbye" but because I didn't want to have to see him say "goodbye" to her.  She waited on the doorstep EVERY DAY for weeks at 4:00 waiting for him to come home from work.  She is just now realizing that he's not coming back.  Maybe I'm too emotionally attached to her, but it killed me having to watch that and having to tell her that it was okay.  I can't even imagine what it would be like to be a parent in a divorce.  I still can't say "dad" around Kaiah without her ears perking up and her getting excited.

Oh... did you think that was the end?  That would be INCORRECT!

I'm gonna add a quick lil' note here to tell you that I'm not even going to delve in to my work problems.  There are too many eyes on the internet.  I don't have bad things to say about my place of work, more so just my personal thoughts and feelings regarding my choice of profession.  Everyone has work complaints, right?  Really it's another blog for another day.

So, how am I?  Why, thank you for asking!  I'm an emotional trainwreck.  Today has been the day from hell.  I've dealt with the insurance agency of some bitch who backed in to my car and is trying to blame me for it.  The only want to pay me 80% of the damages.  Bull shit. 

Today I've also dealt with receiving not-so-lovely news from my doctor.  I've filled a brand new lifetime prescription for it.  Hypothyroidism.  For life.  Literally.  I received another lovely blow from my doctor regarding the unlikelihood of my ever having children... not impossible, but not likely. 

I've dealt with a few other things, but they were more the result of my being an insecure, emotionally raw being today, so I'll keep that to myself.

Let's see... what other shitty things are happening with me?  Hmmm...  I think that covers it pretty well.  (Except I forgot to mention that Jack got to take the good couches, the PS3 AND every dvd player in the house... making life less entertaining for me!)

Good stuff?  Well, how about we start with the in-the-middle stuff.  Some of you may be asking, "Is there a new man in your life?"  Great question folks.  I don't know.  There is, but there isn't.  It's not really a public knowledge relationship, though some of our mutual friends know about us.  There's no definition on it, though it's been "going on" since May.  I guess you'd say we're... yeah, I don't even know.  This is why it's in my "in-the-middle stuff" category.  I don't know what we are or what we're doing so... yep.  He and I have been able to support each other through very tough times for both of us lately and what we "are/are not" works for us right now. I'm not going to go further in to it because, again, there is another party involved and he is entitled to that privacy as well. 

The good stuff:  I've met a lot of people over the last 3 months that I'm now glad to call my friends.  I've not really had a chance to let new people help me cope as much as I have over the last few months.  I've always depended on my life-long friends for that.  Don't get me wrong; my long-time friends have been very supportive of me as well.  I'm just saying that I am surprised at the support I've received from new friends.  I love and appreciate you all.  You know if you've been there for me over the past few months, so I don't feel that I need to name names.  Thank you.

I've also had a wedding-filled summer that has been amazing.  I would like to take the time to apologize, however, because my summer was SO filled with weddings, I've not made it to several and I've not made it to a lot of other events because of weddings.  It's hard to make decisions about who to be with and for what reasons and what event is more important than the next.  Thank you for loving me even if I didn't make it to a special day for you.

Last, but definitely not least, my family.  The thing I've always appreciated most about my parents: they let me make my mistakes and learn from them.  Okay... scratch that.  I can't really say that I've ALWAYS appreciated that, but I really do now.  My parents have always scolded me and they've always taught me right from wrong and they've always told me when I've messed up and what I should have done instead, but after doing so, they let me move on.  They let me try to fix it and they try to help if they can.  I love you both for that.  Thank you.  My little sister.  The little bitch.  We've had moments where we've wanted to tear off the other's face.  She roundhouse kicked through a french glass door 'cause I stole her sparkler.  Haha... I love her.  She is my rock and will listen to me bitch about anything.  My brothers... ah, my brothers.  If I need comedic relief, I know who to call.  I also know who to call if I need to be grilled/teased.  I thought we were supposed to outgrow that...

Anyway, I know this is more information that any of you ever needed to know about my life.  At least now my extended family can know the facts, my facebookers can realize the truths and my tweeters can understand my constant bitchy nature.  It's not an excuse... just an explanation.  Sorry to offend... but not really.  I gave you a disclaimer.

The Great Outdoors that is the Greater South Side

*Disclaimer:  This post contains graphic gory disgusting details toward the end.

 I thought I would take a little time today to enlighten you all as to the fantastic woodland creatures that you can all meet if you come visit.  You know you all need an outdoor adventure, so COME ON!


Orbil



As any of you who are facebook or twitter followers know, I recently made friends with a darling Orb Weaver!  He spun new webs outside my front door every night.  He has now moved to the back door.  How do I know that he is the same one, you may ask... I just do!  He's special!  Here is a really crappy photo of him.

Jack and friend... I'm very aware that
he could probably live inside of Jack's beard.

Jack and I now have a new friend that moved in close to our house!  Want to meet him?  He doesn't have a name, and frankly, I haven't seen him except for the ONE time... but as far as I'm concerned, he's a buddy.

Releasing our new buddy in to the wild...
 that is, a bush in front of our house!

I believe I may have previously mentioned the squirrel family that we have living in our trees as well.  If not, we have several squirrels that live here.  Kaiah hates them because they tease her.  She'll chase them up the tree and they'll get to a branch, just barely above Kaiah's reach and will chatter at her.  I honestly think they are mocking her.

(I will also add that there are a variety of birds and bunnies and this guy that live here, but they aren't super news-worthy.)

Now, on to the real story.  Shortly after I discovered the Orb Weaver, I also discovered that there are two owls living in our pine tree.  I went outside with Kaiah one night and I heard this noise that I could only assume was the collaborative noise of 3 dying dogs.  Well, all of a sudden, I look up because I hear a rustling and an owl swooped out of the tree, right at my head!  As soon as it got across the street, I could hear it "who whoing" back and forth with the remaining owl in the tree.  I assumed since I heard the noise no longer that it was some weird mating noise or conversation the two were having before the dear friends parted ways.  This all happened about 2-3 weeks ago.

This is where the story really starts.  About a week ago, I started scolding Kaiah when we went outside because she wouldn't leave the eave extension alone.  Then, a few days ago I started smelling what can only be referred to as "the smell".  I told Jack that there was something that was clearly dead in the eave extension.  He told me he checked and that there was nothing there.  BOY was he WRONG.  Finally after two days of the stench increasing, I forced Jack to take the extension out and check even though he ASSURED me it was just "stagnant water".  As soon as he pulled it off he goes, "oh... there's something in there all right". 

DO YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT IT WAS?!?!?

A DEAD RACCOON!!!  A completely mushified decomposing pile of maggots, teeth and a tiny striped piece of tail!  DISGUSTING!  Jack tried to convince me it wasn't a raccoon but I know raccoon tail when I see it.   Sick.  It was seriously mush! 

What does this have to do with the owls you ask?  I have decided that the noise that I heard the night of the owls was actually that raccoon trying to free itself from my eave spout and the sound alarmed the owl and made it fly across the street!  How horrible is that?  Maybe I could have saved the probably rabid little dude, had I known!  Sad!

Okay, that is all for my nasty nature stories.  Here's a cute picture of Kaiah in her new tie-dyed bandana I got her at FarMar this weekend to replace all of the grossness!

Such a pretty girl!

Officially Bummed

So, it turns out that Bronko is going to be a no go.  :(  Kaiah did not like any part of him.  She attempted to sniff him but as soon as he muzzle bumped her, she was ready to destroy him.
I'm bummed though, so that's all I have to say on the subject at this point.

Huge Dilemma! I NEED your help!!!

Alright folks.  I need your help right now.  I am in the midst of a major internal debate.  I know this is a long post, but please stick with me; I am begging for your  input. 

While I was home over my lunch hour today, I randomly decided to peruse craigslist.  I have not looked at craigslist since job searching 3 months ago and I haven't looked at it for anything other than jobs for probably a year.  Well, on a whim I  just decided to search EVERYTHING on it today.

I purposefully do not allow myself to look at the pets on craigslist ANYTIME I'm on there because I can not turn myself away from a friend who needs a home.  Guess what I did TODAY though.  I LOOKED AT THE PETS!  Here-in begins the story of Bronko.

This is Bronko.   Bronko is an English Mastiff.  Bronko is absolutely AMAZING.  Bronko had a really nice write-up about him on craigslist.  The family rescued him from a home where he was terrorized by young children.  The adoptive family has a 10 year-old and a 14 year-old at home.  Bronko does fine with these two but he gets spooked easily, so, long story short, they are looking for a more suitable home for Bronko.  Here-in lies ME!

On a whim, before even speaking to my fiance about the matter, I decided to do some follow-up on my dearest Bronko.  I asked if he does okay with other dogs (the family had said that he has a high prey drive and doesn't do well with small dogs, so I asked about larger dogs, like Kaiah.)  I also asked about the re-homing fee, because let's face it:  I'm gonna need that money to feed this sucker!  He is 170 lbs.!  That is 75 lbs. bigger than Kaiah!

Speaking of Kaiah, here she is.  Does she look like she needs a friend?  I told her about Bronko and then we went on a walk and it is literally the best behaved she has ever been on a walk before.  Do you think this means that she is saying, "Hey Ma!  Look at how good I am!  I deserve a friend!" OR do you think she is saying, "Mom!  I'm being so good!  You don't have to get another dog to show me how to behave!"  (The family also mentioned how well-behaved Bronko is and I had told Kaiah that.  She understands human-speak perfectly fine, thank you.)

Back to Bronko though.  I received a response and the first line stated that I had almost brought the woman to tears with the mere mention of my having a dog named "Kaiah" as they had a St. Bernard named "Kyah" who passed away due to cancer in February.  What are the odds of THAT?  Kyah and Bronko had been BFF's so the family thought that Bronko and Kaiah could learn to love each other like Bronko and other Kyah had loved each other.  The kicker?  The family is willing to have no re-homing fee.  They just want the perfect home for Bronko.

Speaking of kicking, I then kicked myself in the ass for even having emailed the woman about Bronko.  I hadn't even spoken to Jack about him and now I was getting the family's hopes up that we might be a fantastic fated match for Bronko.

So, I talked to Jack and, no surprise here, he was all about it.  Loves the idea of it.  So I emailed back and forth with the family a couple of times and they would like the dogs to meet each other and they would like to meet us, so we are setting this up for Sunday.  This is the picture that I got in the most recent email, with the caption "Bronko looking at Kaiah".  She then explained in the email that she showed him the picture I had sent of Kaiah and he started sniffing the screen and staring at her.  See!  He loves her already!

Okay, so here are the facts.  I need help in my decision-making.  I will make a bulleted list for you, because let's face it; I've written way too many paragraphs and I've maybe held on to half (if that) of my readers.

To Start: Things that People Might Normally Think Are an Issue, but Truly are NOT for Us

• He is 170 lbs. of dog  (Jack and I are not even phased by this.  Other than the fact that we already have one 97 lb. dog sleeping with us.  Can you imagine another 170 lb. dog?  Good thing we have a king...)
• He slobbers (So what?  So does Kaiah.  You get used to it.)

Reasons NOT to get Bronko

• Kaiah gets spooked by other dogs  (Sometimes she loves them though.  She's big on first impressions.)
• Bronko gets spooked by kids (We have nieces and nephews.  We DON'T have kids though and we don't plan to anytime soon.  The extended family isn't around Kaiah that often the way it is.)
• 2 big dogs in the bed?
• We don't have a fenced-in yard (We plan to get one eventually, but right now Kaiah is on a long tether in the yard.  The family doesn't tether Bronko as they feel he would bolt if he got spooked so he only goes out on a leash.  They also do not have a fenced-in yard.)
• Big dogs are expensive.  (We know.  We have one.  We WILL afford it, but is it the smartest?)

Reasons TO get Bronko

• Look at him!  ----------------->
• He needs a good home and I know we can provide that!
• He is reportedly well-trained!  Extra bonus!
• He is used to having free reign of the house, which is fabulous because we NEVER lock Kaiah up!
• He doesn't chew on things he isn't supposed to
• He is a lover
• He is free to the right home and you better believe we have a GREAT home!
• He is one of the most handsome men I've ever seen!
• It's fate!  Let's face it people.  This IS fate.  I never get on craigslist anymore and on a whim I did and he was posted TODAY.  They used to have another dog named "Kyah" and WE have a "Kaiah".  Anytime that Jack and I talk about getting another dog, we always say that we want an English Mastiff and here one is.  AND Bronko needs us!

I'm sure there a bunch of other reasons I should and should not get Bronko, but my mind and stomach are both going crazy about this issue.

Seriously folks.  I am BEGGING for your help on this one.  This is a huge decision.  I know what my heart says and I know what my head says and I need help right now in deciding which one is smarter.  Help?  Leave me comments on this one.  I don't care if you never comment any of my other blogs and I don't care if you don't follow me.  Comment anonymously if you have to.  Just help me out here!

"Because my love, my love, my love is my Dog"

Am I the only one who does this?  I sing to my dog.  Constantly.  I change the words so that they apply to her.  Her personal favorite is "If Kai were queen of the forrrrrrrrrr-est!  (Roll the r's people.)  Not princess, nor duchess, just queen."  (You know it... Wizard of Oz!)


I totally dance with her too.  More like dance AT her.    I think sometimes she gets scared of me.  Don't act like none of you do the same thing.


Lately this has been the song of choice... only because it's on the radio at least once per hour.

P.S.  If you even for one second think that the very idea of all of this is stupid, you need to get your life in order people!  You have to live life and love it.  Thus, I sing loud and I sing proud, even if it makes my pup suffer.  : )

(Please, double-click the picture so you can see my artwork at it's finest!)

Rum Sump Pump Punch

Hello readers,

  Let me tell you a little bit about why I am sore.  I put a sump pump in yesterday.  Yep, me.  I did.  Well, I helped.  My "plumber" (okay, fiance) made me do all of the heavy lifting though!  I had to dig out all of the concrete chunks after he pounded the crap out of it with the sledgehammer.  Really that's the only reason I'm sore; from squatting for an intense amount of time.  (I clearly need to work out.)  I was very nervous for my basement floor once he started pounding on it, but it looks pretty good now.  AND hopefully there will be no more opportunities for pictures like the one I posted in my previous blog (us vacuuming all of the stupid trespassing water out of the carpet).

Anyway, moving on.  For those of you who don't know, the 4th of July is one of my favorite holidays.  I just love spending time in the sun with friends and/or family.  The last few years we've celebrated with Jack's family but this year we are celebrating with one of Jack's friends from high school and his girlfriend.  I just made a ton of food/drinks (Rum Punch that is AMAZING & some jello shots!  Hello alcohol!).  Yummers!  I've decided that I like being a hostess.  I like prepping for shindigs and whatnot... I think that just comes from my liking to organize in general.  Maybe I should be a party planner!  Anyway, the cool thing about tonight is that we are not getting together at our place.  This means I get to do the cooking and planning and then I get to take it all elsewhere and I don't have to deal with the part of hostess that means that I have to show everybody where everything is!  YAY!  (Plus I don't have to clean up for the event!)

Nothing exciting today, I know.  Here's a picture to make it all better.  Okay, so I know the picture turned out kind of dark but Kaiah moves anytime she catches me trying to take a picture of her when she sits here.  We have that little bench in our front yard and she seriously will go out there and just perch on the bench like it's her own personal throne.  She's too funny.

"Work is the refuge of people who have nothing better to do."

So, I thought, "Hey... I haven't written a blog for like a week, so maybe it's time."  It turns out maybe not.  I've been sitting here for a few minutes now and realized I don't have ANYTHING to blog about.  Kaiah and I ate sweet potato fries for lunch... is that blogworthy?  (They are one of my favorite snacks and it turns out that they're possibly one of Kai's favorites too.)  I'm working on cleaning my house today... what about that?  I need to go get new print cartridges and dog food at some point today... any of this interesting to you?  Sorry folks.  Turns out I'm boring.  Who knew?  Meh, maybe you all did.  I guess I thought I was the only one who was aware of this completely useless knowledge.

Here's something of some importance.  I have to work tomorrow.  Yep.  I said it.  WORK.  Back to the ol' salt mine.  This may not seem like very blogworthy news to any of my few but faithful readers, but it is news.  For those of you that don't know I have practically been a hermit for the past 10 months of my life.  (With the exception of a nice little week-long stint in October.)  It wasn't because I didn't want to work. (Well, let's face it.  Nobody wants to work.  Or maybe you do... in which case good for you.  Please enlighten me as to where I can get a job that I love well enough that I would rather do that than play with my dog all day.)

I thought that I wanted an entirely different career path.  I think I got burned out hardcore working at my previous job.  Don't get me wrong, I loved working with the kiddles and LOVED my coworkers (and still do!), but that job was taxing.  I decided I was going to look for something different.  It turns out that when you've worked with children, the elderly, or just people in general for your entire life, it's hard to just break on to a new career path without going back to school or having to flip burgers or bag groceries.  So, I'm going back to doing a job that is pretty much the same thing that I was doing before.  And that's okay.  It's a new environment and the clientele will be a wee bit different.  Plus, I've had a nice stretch of time to get away from it and just breathe.

Bonuses of going back to work: 

• More $$$, of course!
• I can talk to people during the day again!  (Without having to go to the grocery store!)
• I get to help people again.  (Let's face it, when it comes to work that's all I've ever done and known.)
• I don't have to listen to Kaiah bark all day...  (Bittersweet)  :(
• I get to meet new peeps!  You know I always like new people!
• I will (hopefully) eat better & snack less!  [I won't have my cupboards right in front of me to scavenge through when I'm hungry (or bored, for that matter).]

Damages of going back to work:

• Loss of free time/freedom.  (That's a doozy.)
• I'll miss my little Kaiahroo!  (Ever since she came into our lives, one of us has been home with her for the most part and now she'll be all alone during the day.)  :'(
• My house will no longer be the cleanest house in Des Moines!  (Not that I won't still clean but seriously, if I'm working all day I'm not going to want to come home and clean.  I've been cleaning every day for the last 10 months, for the most part!)
• Not as much gourmet cooking!  (I'm not going to want to come home and put a huge effort into dinner when I can make something simple quickly.)
• I'm going to work out a lot less.  (I've all ready begun to realize that I will fail at keeping this up.  Being a "housewife" is a full-time job the way it is.  I've got a man and a dog that are both extremely needy, so I'm no longer going to have a lot of "me time".)
• I'm going to have to start getting dressed again.  Damn.

That's it.  That last one just put me over the edge.  I've decided NOT to return to work.  I kid... but only kind of. 

Oscar Wilde said it best, "Work is the refuge of people who have nothing better to do."  Eek, Mr. Wilde... some of us just need the CASH.  :)

The Perfect(?) Trifecta

Isn't it funny how life never quite works out the way that you imagined it would?  I know this seems a cliche way to start out today's blog, but I've been doing some soul searching this morning.

"Life", or what you pictured for your life, continues to get pushed further and further down the line.  (I guess it also comes a lot sooner than planned for some people, but not me.)

As a child, I thought I would be in a house & married, with a puppy at home and a child on the way by the age of 25.  As I got older I still wanted all of those things; it just got pushed back to the age of 28.  In January of 2009 (25 years old), I had a steady boyfriend, but other than that I was in no way on my track to make it by 28.  Now I'm 27 & it appears as though I'm almost there.

I've got the house:

The boyfriend has proposed:

I've got the puppy (In front of our refrigerator.  So tiny!):

who is now a dog (95 lbs. of dog!):

Yet it's still not right.  Why is it that everyone continues to strive for perfect when perfection is nearly impossible?  I've got the house.  I've got my fiance, Jack.  I've got my "puppy", Kaiah.  (I guess it's time to start calling her my dog, huh?)  The only thing missing is the actual marriage itself and the child (which, thank God, we are in no way ready to make that goal).  And yet, I still feel so far from where I wanted to be another year from now.

I guess as a kid you don't think about things like financial stability, job security & stress (Oh, the stress...) or even general happiness.  You think that those things are just an automatic bonus that comes with the territory.  I mean, if you have a house, you must have a job and you must be financially stable, right?  And you have the "perfect life", so you must be happy and stress free, right?

Is it just me?  Am I being completely pessimistic?  I mean,  a lot of people are in the same boat as I am, right?  RIGHT?!?! 

It's that strive for perfection.  It's being goal-driven.  It's making the decision to go down that path that you've always wanted since you were a little girl, even if, in retrospect, you were a bit hasty about the leap.  It's forcing all of those things into the last year (or so) of my life.  Feb. '09: Engagement.  May '09:  House & Puppy.  May '09 - Present:  Dealing with the aftermath of all of those decisions.  The perfect trifecta.

Don't get me wrong.  I love my fiance, Jack.  I love my house.  I love my dog, Kaiah.  What I don't love is people constantly asking me about wedding plans (since we have been engaged for 16 months and haven't made a single plan), paying bills (or stressing over whether we can pay the bills), & barking and slobber.

The funny thing is, it's all worth it.  I love Jack.  We fight, as every couple does, but we also laugh.  A LOT.  I get stressed paying more for a house and having all of those extra expenses that you don't have with an apartment, but it is so worth it.  I get sick of listening to barking and cleaning up slobber, but it is nice to know when someone is coming to the door, and it is wonderful to get the little girl puppy kisses.

Life is funny like that...